I want one SO badly.
Owning a Raven is a lot of work, in America African Ravens & crows are legal to own. I’ve interacted with companion ravens before and they are fantastic. Seeing this incredible bird free flying and playing in the air while knowing he is keeping his eye on us and will come back.
I MUST ASK YOU QUESTIONS… RATHER ODDLY SPECIFC QUESTIONS.
rAVENS ON MY DASHBOARD?
People reject happiness for the same reason they reject misery.
Both create a stasis and complacency that is a sort of death.
It’s like we crave equal measures of both to continue to feel alive.
If a person is given everything they want and need and they have no struggle to achieve or survive they will intentionally self sabotage in order to be able to feel that razor’s edge again. That pain. That sense of being alive. The other side of the hypothetical fence where the grass may not be greener, but at least it’s a change of scenery.
The same can be said for a person who is miserable. They strive to distance themselves from the pain with bits of happiness to break up the monotony of their own thoughts and bleak discomfort. They seek sometimes company, alcohol, drugs, and other means of briefly beholding the untouchable happiness they artificially crave.
And so it’s this perverse balancing act where you can neither be too happy or too sad, neither too comfortable or too depressed. It’s a seesaw of balancing success and failure. It’s recoiling from love and seeking it relentlessly.
It’s both being a merciless sadist and a martyr without a cause.
About being happy positive and upbeat while planning suicide.
A confounding dance that its life.
Sometimes a limbo, other times a tango.
"Enough" is a matter of perspective.
So is “happiness”, “misery”, and “love”.
Somethings that are broken don’t need fixing and something that aren’t, do.
Destruction breeds creation breeds destruction.
And so too is life.
You will never sleep alone, I’ll love you long after you’re gone.
And long after you’re gone, gone, gone.
Like a drum baby, don’t stop beating.
We live in a world of concrete, pavement, brick, strip malls, parking decks.
Street lights, utility poles, neon signs, and billboards blot out the stars.
Factories and pesticide run off pollute the water.
Cars and planes pollute the air.
T.V. pollutes the mind.
Violence and uniformity pollutes the soul.
We all live in a box within a box.
We have a fence around our box and our hearts.
Love is limited to whose name you name know and whose story you take part in.
We watch from our box through our fence and envy other boxes and fences that are just beyond our reach or means.
We exist within our own minds, within flesh and bone and blood which become a prison of our own creation.
Everything requires standing in line, taking a number instead of an identity, learning to ignore the details instead of embracing the emotion.
Material, matter, atoms being recorded and remixed and regurgitated in our faces, forced into focus.
We build superficially just to destroy and build it again.
We long to relate and be left alone. For someone, anyone to hear our voice, know our hearts, and remember our names.
Writhing masses of individuals with a hive mind and a desperation for individuality.
What are we? I don’t even know anymore…
I know it sounds weird.
I do want you to look back on this and smile but….
I kinda want that smile to be through tears.
Depression is like drowning while you watch everyone around you breathe.
Two lessons I’ve learned in spades:
1) Never take one single fucking thing for granted, or the universe will work in conjunction with itself to prove to you that everything is fleeting.
2) Don’t mistake something shiny and improved and new as something that is necessarily “better”. Every new thing grows old.
I’m usually so sickening upbeat, positive, and happy… but today the wind has been let from my sails. Today I miss you. Today I miss the people I loved and call my friends. Today I feel unimportant.
Today, I remind myself, is almost over. Soon this too shall pass.
I just want for it to pass.